10 Easy Ways to Keep A Man…In A Straight Guy’s Own Words

1. Be Strong

It’s fairly clear to me that women are the strongest creatures God ever created. No really…I actually believe that. Let’s be honest, if men EVER had to give birth, there would be two people on the planet and they would probably be at war with one another…but I digress. Childbirth is a simple example of the strength that women posses both physically and internally.

So, why are women so weak when it comes to men then? That’s not a rhetorical question either…men KNOW you’re weak when it comes to us. You want to know the funny thing though, we don’t WANT the weak women. Tupac told ya’ll too! He said, “I don’t want it if it’s that easy!” on I Get Around…I’m pretty sure he wasn’t just talking about sex. No man want s a spineless woman. No real one anyway. No man wants a woman that he can walk all over and treat like a doormat.

Let’s look at it like this. Woman was taken from man’s rib, right? If you’re a Christian, that’s what you believe. If you’re not, humor me anyway. The rib is on the SIDE of the man. That means since the woman is of the same flesh and bone as a man and taken from his side, she is to stand next to him. Woman was NOT, I repeat NOT, taken from the ass cheek. So stop standing BEHIND your man and stand beside him. Stand tall and proud.

I think Chris Rock said it best at the end of I Think I Love My Wife: “I think I love my wife, I know exactly what I want. I want a woman that not only will fight with me, but for me. A woman I can go to war with, who will drag me and my kids out alive. A woman that can see the good in me, when I can’t even see it myself.” That takes strength…and also brings me to my next point.

2. Acknowledge Our  Flaws

Ladies, I have a bit of info for you. It will probably get me beat up by at leas three people next week, but I’m pretty tough, so I can handle it…

A man will show you his flaws within the first 3 conversations you have with him. At this point, you control the relationship and you need to make a CONSCIOUS decision about whether to stay or leave. If the man is a REAL man, he will acknowledge these flaws and shortcomings and tell you about them. Now, you know about the ones that he knows about. Acknowledge them. The ones he doesn’t know about, acknowledge them too.

There’s an old cliché that honestly rings true for most men of power and success. “Behind every good man, is a good woman.” I’m sure Corretta Scott King, Michelle Obama, Beyonce, and Jada Pinkett Smith can tell you their powerful  and successful men’s flaws. They acknowledged them and aided them in overcoming them.

That doesn’t mean they bludgeoned them over the head with their flaws every time they made a mistake.  It does mean that they were strong enough to help their men with those flaws in an attempt to make them better people, which more than likely aided in their successes.

To recap, acknowledge your beau’s flaws and aid him in becoming a better person. He’s human, and humans falter. Also, if you’re just getting to know him…PAY ATTENTION!

3. Allow Us To Be Strong…and Weak

Ok…most real men LOVE independent women. We love you so much that we pursue you relentlessly.  Sometimes to no avail, but often times we get close enough to appreciate your independence. So, if we can appreciate your independence and “hustler’s ambition”,  why do some of you feel the need to remind the world every 5 minutes? If your facebook status, last 270 tweets, BBM status, and (*vomit*) Myspace page are all touting the virtues of your independence and possibly have the occassional B.S. quote about independent black women being an “endangered species,” I’m probably going to be turned off for three reasons. Reason Number One, you’re obviously trying to convince EVERYONE (including yourself) of your vehement independence. Reason Number Two, if you’re that pressed to let everyone know about your alleged independence, you’re probably VERY insecure with the presence of other women and may possibly have control issues. Reason Number Three, you have proven that you don’t need me (or any other man) in your life.

A man likes to feel strong, needed, and wanted. Allow us to take control. We know you can handle it all. Most times, we run into women who are holding it down on the homefront and the workplace. You pay your own bills, drive your own car, and are moving forward through life with dedication and perseverance. We love it! We know you can handle it by yourself, that’s attractive to us. However, we want to feel needed  and wanted. That makes us feel strong.

We also want to be vulnerable sometimes. I know I can come off fairly unemotional, as can many men. That doesn’t make me any less emotional than the average human being. I feel  as though I should be able to go to my lady and be as vulnerable and open as I need to be without fear of being treated like an overly sensitive emotional leper. Superman had Kryptonite and most men who aren’t superheroes have weaknesses too and we want YOU to be the one to help us face them. So that means I need you to tone down the independence a little bit, tap into your maternal instincts for a second and nurse me back to  strength when I’m down…

4.     Only Request What You’re Willing To Offer

Ok, so I’m going to be perfectly honest. I look GREAT naked. No really…I do. I work out about 5 days a week. I’m about 3 weeks of dieting and 150 crunches away from having a 6-pack like the guys in the movie 300. Right now I look kind of like a beige Reggie Bush. So, what I’m saying is, I like to look good and I work hard to do so. The type of woman I want, the type of body style I want her to have, the type of lifestyle I want us to live is on par with goals that I have set for myself.  So basically, what I’m saying is, I want a Keri Hilson lookalike, who doesn’t mind working out, and has an unparalleled amount of ambition, drive and potential.

See what I just did? I set certain goals for myself, and then said I’m seeking a mate who can easily match those same goals, with ones of their own. That way we can aid each other. I can’t expect to attract a dime, if I’m trating myself like a nickel. I can’t ask for a woman with a very toned body if I’m sitting here looking like a whale. Now, I’m not so superficial that all of what I desire is physical. Let’s be real about it though. I’d say a good 95% of romantic relationships begin with some form of physical attraction. So, take care of your self physically. You got healthcare now…use it.

That goes for intellectual professional goals as well. I’m enjoying my job right now. But I want more. I’m up for an award next month. A promotion in August. I plan on being done with this in the next 3 years and moving forward in the field of PR on a higher level. I plan on having an MBA within the next 4 years. I am also learning Arabic right now and will be fluent within the next year…Insha’Allah. So, I want a woman who embodies the same level of intelligence, intellectualism, and “go getterism” as I have. For example, my last girlfriend was a college graduate, in graduate school, had law school ambitions, and still found time to help try and change an ENTIRE city. How real is that?

This is what any real man will tell you. You do NOT have the right to ask me for something that you are not willing to GIVE in return.

5. EXPECT DEMAND Reciprocity

Far too often we try to see love as a 50-50 proposition. More often than not it ends up being a 60-40 or 70-30 endeavor, on one end of the other. If you are on the lower end of the spectrum…that’s a problem.

Women have, in my observation, had to just deal with being the giving part of the relationship. Eventually, if you give us everything and we don’t have to “put in work” to get all we want out of the relationship, we WILL become bored. When we become bored, one of two things happen.

Outcome one, is that we stop caring. That can become a terrible situation for both parties involved. When we stop caring, your feelings become secondary to our desires. When that happens, you’ve lost us. You are in our lives, at that point, for our convenience.

Outcome two, is that we go wandering. Our eyes and desires begin to stray. That’s fairly self-explanatory…

6. Never Put Limitations on Our Dreams or Passions

I’m the kind of person that when I want something, or want to do something, I’m going to do it. I wanted to learn MMA, I went out and did it. I wanted to be a fighter. I went out and did it. I wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle, I went out and learned how to do it. I’m buying a bike in May. I wanted to become a certified personal trainer, I JUST got certified last week.

Granted, my dreams and passions seem simple. They often are pronounced and directed. The one’s I listed are only the tip of the iceberg. So, when you meet a guy or if you’ve been dealing with a guy, see what he’s into. His passions probably have small goals attached to them. If he likes boxing, he probably wants to join a boxing gym. He may want to fight a few times or at least spar. If you’re guy is into cars, he may want to fix one up, trick it out or something.

I will say this, a man will be much more comfortable and will be much more apt to chase his dreams if he has your support and love. You may not always like it, but a lot of times it’s a positive thing for him. It’s a release, an outlet, and possibly a gift from the Most High. I would’ve never known I had a gift for fighting in a cage, had I not gone out and done it. Your man may have some sort of hidden talent or skill that manifests itself in a hobby or passion. All he wants is for you to say, “Go for it baby!” Not, “Ok, you can go do this, but you CAN’T do this.” It’s a matter of supporting the positive things.

Now if his dream is to become a porn star….you should probably handle that….yeah….

7.     Be Real With Us

Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. ALWAYS. As a man, I feel like this: If you lie to me, that means you don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth. If you don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth, then we don’t have anything. Not a friendship and DAMN sure not a relationship.

We know the truth hurts sometimes. I would rather deal with ugly honesty than a beautiful lie.

By all means you should tell me, not only the things I should know, but also the things I may not want to know. The good and the not so good are both essential elements of a lasting relationship. All good relationships are founded on honesty. We want that…even if it hurts.

8.     Respect Us Enough to Give Us Some Space

Let’s be real, some of ya’ll are a handful. Two handfuls even. Sometimes, a brotha just needs some personal space. Maybe even a mental health day. Just like you were a strong individual before we got together, to maintain that strength you need some “me time.” Well, that goes for me too.

Brothas need “me time”…it’s not just an R&B song. I need you to leave me alone when College Football is on, just like you need me to leave you alone when you’re watching Grey’s Anatomy. I need you to leave me alone for a little while when I’ve had a rough day, just like you want me to leave you alone when you’re going through some things.

Its not that I don’t want you to be there for me, its not that I don’t want you around, its not that I’m upset with you or anything like that. I just need some “me time.” Give me a reason to miss you. Communication is cool, but constant contact without a break is obsessive and annoying. Lets enjoy our time together AND our time apart.

9. Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Contrary to Ladies Room Lore, brothas do not have psychic powers. We do not know what you are thinking. We have no idea what you are feeling. We really are simple creatures…

So, if we ask you what’s wrong and you say, “nothing,” don’t be mad when we act like nothing is wrong. Ya’ll need to tell us what’s up! In real life. I honestly don’t know why ya’ll don’t tell us what’s on your mind.

Sometimes I think women have their own language. It’s kind of like…”Nothing’s wrong” means, “You know damn well what’s wrong.” Or, “Where are you going?” means, “You ‘bout to go do something you ain’t got no business doing.” So, nine times out of ten, we’re left wondering what the hell is going on! JUST TELL US! Please? No really…can you? Please?

10. Shut The F%$# Up Sometimes And Let Us Love You!

That should be self-explanatory, but it’s not. I understand why it isn’t either. It’s not so cut & dry. We want you to be the strong and intelligent woman that we fell in love with. We want you to be articulate and verbose when necessary. Truth be told though….silence sometimes speaks louder than anything. If you want us to listen when something important is being said, don’t fill our head and area up with useless prattling.

Less is more in terms of certain conversations. Men don’t have as accurate a “noise filter” as women do. So when you’re griping about something, make it count. Make sure it’s legitimate. Make sure its not pure emotionality. Make it rational. Break it down to baby terms so that we understand it. Don’t draw it out, hit it HEAD ON.

Now, once you’ve done that, let’s handle the problem and move on. Don’t dwell on it. We don’t love you any less for coming to us with legitimate stuff. We don’t hate you for needing a shoulder to cry on. We do however, start to ignore your legitimate issues if they’re lumped in with the trivial ones. We don’t mean to do it, we’re just hardwired that way.

I know it’s a lot but I guarantee yoy these 10 are not really that hard to handle. And hey, it’s better than saying, “Feed Me, F&$% Me, and STFU…” I’m Just Sayin…

Chad H.